Dear Diary:
I just spawned your younger brother. You may want to check him out. You can find him at The Diary of a Divorced Guy.
You need a good Spanxing
3 weeks ago
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
And All Good Things Must Come To An End
Dear Diary:
Hello my friend. You and I both knew long ago that this day would come. We both knew that in order for me to begin a new chapter in my life, I must completely close this one. I do not know why it has taken me so long to come to this point. Maybe I felt if I ended this chapter prematurely, I would lose the opportunity to say the things that I needed to say. But truth be told, I have said all I can say and all I needed to say about my divorce, and my experience with it. And now I must move forward.
However, although this chapter will end, this does not mean that my story will end. I will move forward, my life will go on, and I will live a happy and fulfilled life. Whether that life is with someone or on my own, I can walk away from this experience holding my head up high, confident in who I am, and happy with the man that I am, and that is what is most important.
You know, looking back on my life at this point, something has occurred to me. Maybe I should have followed one of my dreams and became a writer. Since I was 16, it has been about the one thing that I have always gotten compliments on, whether it be at school, or at work. Now, I am not to say that I am any good, but some people thought I was decent, even though I have a tendency to get sidetracked (no shit right?).
Maybe I could even get you, Diary, published. Wouldn't that be something? I mean, besides probably being the world's most brazen attempt to tell off an ex-wife in the history of mankind and mass media, I could look back and say, "That's me, and that is my creation."
Or at least that was me for a time period. I wish no ill will towards X2B, or my ex-wife, however you wish to refer to her. I do not necessarily wish her to live a happy life, but I do not wish her a sad existence either. The only thing I do wish is that wherever she lands, she lands far, far away from me, both in mind, and in body. Maybe one day I will bump into her somewhere, maybe not. It really does not matter at this point. That chapter of my life is closed, and closed forever.
So now as I look to the future with open arms and an open mind, I am excited about what lies in store for me. I am looking forward to the challenges and obstacles that I will confront, and I am looking forward to the relationships I will cultivate, and maybe even one day, getting married again.
My life is not perfect and it never has been and it never will be. But Diary, as I have grown as an individual throughout this ordeal (and I still wouldn't wish it on the devil himself), I can look back and know that while I took my hits, I can, at the end of the day, walk away a survivor.
And that is quite alright with me.
So, I ask you, that should you see me walking down the street, say hello. Should you run into me, smile. Laugh when I do something stupid, or say something offbeat that gives you pause. Get to know me for who I am, as a man, and as a person. I could be your son. I could be your father. I could be your friend. I could be your brother. I could be your boss. I could be your colleague. I could be your confidant.
I could be you.
Sincerely,
An Ex-Husband
Hello my friend. You and I both knew long ago that this day would come. We both knew that in order for me to begin a new chapter in my life, I must completely close this one. I do not know why it has taken me so long to come to this point. Maybe I felt if I ended this chapter prematurely, I would lose the opportunity to say the things that I needed to say. But truth be told, I have said all I can say and all I needed to say about my divorce, and my experience with it. And now I must move forward.
However, although this chapter will end, this does not mean that my story will end. I will move forward, my life will go on, and I will live a happy and fulfilled life. Whether that life is with someone or on my own, I can walk away from this experience holding my head up high, confident in who I am, and happy with the man that I am, and that is what is most important.
You know, looking back on my life at this point, something has occurred to me. Maybe I should have followed one of my dreams and became a writer. Since I was 16, it has been about the one thing that I have always gotten compliments on, whether it be at school, or at work. Now, I am not to say that I am any good, but some people thought I was decent, even though I have a tendency to get sidetracked (no shit right?).
Maybe I could even get you, Diary, published. Wouldn't that be something? I mean, besides probably being the world's most brazen attempt to tell off an ex-wife in the history of mankind and mass media, I could look back and say, "That's me, and that is my creation."
Or at least that was me for a time period. I wish no ill will towards X2B, or my ex-wife, however you wish to refer to her. I do not necessarily wish her to live a happy life, but I do not wish her a sad existence either. The only thing I do wish is that wherever she lands, she lands far, far away from me, both in mind, and in body. Maybe one day I will bump into her somewhere, maybe not. It really does not matter at this point. That chapter of my life is closed, and closed forever.
So now as I look to the future with open arms and an open mind, I am excited about what lies in store for me. I am looking forward to the challenges and obstacles that I will confront, and I am looking forward to the relationships I will cultivate, and maybe even one day, getting married again.
My life is not perfect and it never has been and it never will be. But Diary, as I have grown as an individual throughout this ordeal (and I still wouldn't wish it on the devil himself), I can look back and know that while I took my hits, I can, at the end of the day, walk away a survivor.
And that is quite alright with me.
So, I ask you, that should you see me walking down the street, say hello. Should you run into me, smile. Laugh when I do something stupid, or say something offbeat that gives you pause. Get to know me for who I am, as a man, and as a person. I could be your son. I could be your father. I could be your friend. I could be your brother. I could be your boss. I could be your colleague. I could be your confidant.
I could be you.
Sincerely,
An Ex-Husband
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Homecoming
Dear Diary:
Over Easter, I went home, or at least I went to the place that feels the most like home right now, and that would be to New England to see my friends and family. The feeling I get when I cross into New England, particularly Massachusetts, is really hard to describe. I get an intense feeling of calm when I cross the state line, and everything seems just, for lack of a better word, normal.
So, let me first give you a brief rundown of my trip, and then I will fill in some details and flush out some of the important things that I need to talk about.
Thursday - Drove to Springfield to hang out with BB. Had a great time, had a great dinner, and it was good to see her again (she is back with her boyfriend, so don't ask me about anything like that).
Friday - Drove to Hampton, NH to see my mom. It was great seeing her, as I hadn't seen her since my ex and I saw her in August of 2007.
Saturday - Drove to my aunt's in Melrose, MA, and hung out with her, my cousin, and his kids.
Sunday - Easter with my family, at my aunt's house.
Monday - Back up to NH to see my mom, and unfortunately, I had to cut the trip short to make the drive back to Alexandria.
This trip was the first trip that I have taken where I have seen a significant part of my family. I saw all my aunts, uncle, most of my cousins, and my mom. I have been preparing myself to take this trip for some time now. For some reason, and I don't know what it was, I had this feeling that I would return home to my family a failure, but I didn't. The feeling of failure never entered my being. You see, of all the marriages, that have taken place in my family, mine was the shortest lived.
Friday with my mom was a great day. This was the first time I had seem my mom in well over a year. The last time I was with her, her former daughter-in-law was with her as well. This trip marked the first time I was in her apartment without my ex. This trip marked the first time I had actually been with my mom in a few years that my ex was not with me. To say that I was a bit apprehensive about how I would feel would be an understatement. I wasn't so much worried about how I would get along, but more so about all the questions that would come my way.
Thankfully, not may questions were asked by my mom. We spent the day running a couple of errands, and having lunch up in Maine, where I chowed down on some New England Clam Chowder and a lobster roll. After running around, we went back to her place where she taught me how to make lobster bisque (my mom cooks like a pro). And then, I wanted to take a walk.
Mom and I headed to the beach to take a walk. It was a bit windy near the ocean, but the smell of the salt air was invigorating. For a while, we just walked, and really didn't say anything, until I told her that I felt that I shouldn't be there. Not that I shouldn't have visited her, but that I shouldn't have been there, divorced, at 30, back to square one. I shouldn't have been in this particular situation, but it is the situation that I find myself in. She of course did what any compassionate mother did, she wrapped her arm around me and we just walked. She had told me that she didn't understand it either, but things happen. We talked about my ex, and how she had told my mom that I would make a great dad (this was the same woman mind you that said she could not bring herself to have children with me). We talked about how my ex was selfish, and yes we talked about the fucking cast iron pots that I never got back, which of course pissed my mom off like you wouldn't believe.
After a nice long walk just talking, we went home and made dinner (grilled salmon and asparagus, with the aforementioned lobster bisque to start). After that, we took a drive down to see one of my aunts, and we hung out there for a while. I had not seen this particular aunt in at least three years, so it was good catching up with her. And then it was back to my mom's place, where I think I fell asleep on the ride back.
Saturday and Sunday were spent with another aunt, and my older cousin and his kids. It was good seeing all of them. My cousin, who is about nine months older than I am, also went through a divorce recently, and my aunt, of course being a member of my family, is, that's correct, you guessed it, divorced as well. We all talked about life, relationships, divorce, and everything really. Then I headed into Boston to meet my friend Jenn for dinner, drinks, and conversation.
For Easter dinner, by uncle and his family came up from Cape Cod, and the house was filled with people. Everyone said how great I looked (thanks TRP) and we all just hung out, ate an obscene amount of food and drank (my scale is mad at me now). It was a lot of fun being with family. It was also very soothing. One thing that I actually laughed at was the fact that my aunt had a picture of my ex and I together on her wall of family photos. Let's just say it isn't there anymore.
On Monday, I drove up to my mom's again. I had to cut the trip short, so rather than spend the day with her, i only had a few hours. We talked while she made homemade blueberry muffins for me to take back to my brother, and then it was time to leave. And so I went, in my car, driving towards Virginia, and I didn't hit traffic until New Jersey. And that fucked up my entire schedule.
So, what can I take away from my trip with my family? Well, what I took away was very good memories of laughter and love. I took away memories of me, alone with my family and not my ex there. I took away a feeling that although I was there alone, I was not alone, and I also noticed something interesting while I was there.
It felt normal for my ex not to be there. It felt right for her not to be there. It felt like that was the way that it was supposed to be.
Over Easter, I went home, or at least I went to the place that feels the most like home right now, and that would be to New England to see my friends and family. The feeling I get when I cross into New England, particularly Massachusetts, is really hard to describe. I get an intense feeling of calm when I cross the state line, and everything seems just, for lack of a better word, normal.
So, let me first give you a brief rundown of my trip, and then I will fill in some details and flush out some of the important things that I need to talk about.
Thursday - Drove to Springfield to hang out with BB. Had a great time, had a great dinner, and it was good to see her again (she is back with her boyfriend, so don't ask me about anything like that).
Friday - Drove to Hampton, NH to see my mom. It was great seeing her, as I hadn't seen her since my ex and I saw her in August of 2007.
Saturday - Drove to my aunt's in Melrose, MA, and hung out with her, my cousin, and his kids.
Sunday - Easter with my family, at my aunt's house.
Monday - Back up to NH to see my mom, and unfortunately, I had to cut the trip short to make the drive back to Alexandria.
This trip was the first trip that I have taken where I have seen a significant part of my family. I saw all my aunts, uncle, most of my cousins, and my mom. I have been preparing myself to take this trip for some time now. For some reason, and I don't know what it was, I had this feeling that I would return home to my family a failure, but I didn't. The feeling of failure never entered my being. You see, of all the marriages, that have taken place in my family, mine was the shortest lived.
Friday with my mom was a great day. This was the first time I had seem my mom in well over a year. The last time I was with her, her former daughter-in-law was with her as well. This trip marked the first time I was in her apartment without my ex. This trip marked the first time I had actually been with my mom in a few years that my ex was not with me. To say that I was a bit apprehensive about how I would feel would be an understatement. I wasn't so much worried about how I would get along, but more so about all the questions that would come my way.
Thankfully, not may questions were asked by my mom. We spent the day running a couple of errands, and having lunch up in Maine, where I chowed down on some New England Clam Chowder and a lobster roll. After running around, we went back to her place where she taught me how to make lobster bisque (my mom cooks like a pro). And then, I wanted to take a walk.
Mom and I headed to the beach to take a walk. It was a bit windy near the ocean, but the smell of the salt air was invigorating. For a while, we just walked, and really didn't say anything, until I told her that I felt that I shouldn't be there. Not that I shouldn't have visited her, but that I shouldn't have been there, divorced, at 30, back to square one. I shouldn't have been in this particular situation, but it is the situation that I find myself in. She of course did what any compassionate mother did, she wrapped her arm around me and we just walked. She had told me that she didn't understand it either, but things happen. We talked about my ex, and how she had told my mom that I would make a great dad (this was the same woman mind you that said she could not bring herself to have children with me). We talked about how my ex was selfish, and yes we talked about the fucking cast iron pots that I never got back, which of course pissed my mom off like you wouldn't believe.
After a nice long walk just talking, we went home and made dinner (grilled salmon and asparagus, with the aforementioned lobster bisque to start). After that, we took a drive down to see one of my aunts, and we hung out there for a while. I had not seen this particular aunt in at least three years, so it was good catching up with her. And then it was back to my mom's place, where I think I fell asleep on the ride back.
Saturday and Sunday were spent with another aunt, and my older cousin and his kids. It was good seeing all of them. My cousin, who is about nine months older than I am, also went through a divorce recently, and my aunt, of course being a member of my family, is, that's correct, you guessed it, divorced as well. We all talked about life, relationships, divorce, and everything really. Then I headed into Boston to meet my friend Jenn for dinner, drinks, and conversation.
For Easter dinner, by uncle and his family came up from Cape Cod, and the house was filled with people. Everyone said how great I looked (thanks TRP) and we all just hung out, ate an obscene amount of food and drank (my scale is mad at me now). It was a lot of fun being with family. It was also very soothing. One thing that I actually laughed at was the fact that my aunt had a picture of my ex and I together on her wall of family photos. Let's just say it isn't there anymore.
On Monday, I drove up to my mom's again. I had to cut the trip short, so rather than spend the day with her, i only had a few hours. We talked while she made homemade blueberry muffins for me to take back to my brother, and then it was time to leave. And so I went, in my car, driving towards Virginia, and I didn't hit traffic until New Jersey. And that fucked up my entire schedule.
So, what can I take away from my trip with my family? Well, what I took away was very good memories of laughter and love. I took away memories of me, alone with my family and not my ex there. I took away a feeling that although I was there alone, I was not alone, and I also noticed something interesting while I was there.
It felt normal for my ex not to be there. It felt right for her not to be there. It felt like that was the way that it was supposed to be.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Divorced, and Dating
Dear Diary:
So, as you know, a while back, I went on a date. An actual real date. I had a great time, and the lovely young lady I was with appeared to enjoy herself as well. So much in fact, that we went on a couple more dates. So much that one of those dates was cooking dinner at her place. There was cuddling on the couch, gentle kisses, holding hands, and good, meaningful conversation. She said I had amazing eyes, and when we kissed for the first time, she felt butterflies.
And for reasons beyond my control, she wanted to just be friends. And friends is what we are apparently. We talk on the phone on occasion, E-mail each other back and forth about our days, and that is about it. We don't hang out anymore, even though she lives practically around the corner. It really does suck when you start to like someone and then they end it. Now, I can understand her reasons for ending it, as they were legitimate (and had nothing to do with my divorce), but, it still does suck.
Now, that being said, I want to touch upon something that has been bothering me a bit now that I am dating.
The girl I dated briefly made it known that she was a bit hesitant since I am a divorced man. In order to reassure her, I told her to ask me anything she wanted to know about my separation, the reasons behind it, my emotional state, my thoughts on my divorce, my ex-wife, and, well let's just say I gave her free range. And for some reason, it did not seem to reassure her at all, and she said that she was worried I was not ready to really date and be with someone and explore a relationship a couple of times. And this brings me to what I want to talk about.
The decision as to whether or not I am ready to put myself out there, to take a risk that my heart could get broken, to date, to fall in love again, and what not, that is MY decision. For some reason when I tell people I am divorced there is a sudden shock to their system, and for some reason it seems as though I am being looked at as somehow damaged goods. And you know what? I am not damaged.
I am not damaged dammit. I am not broken, shattered, or somehow not complete. I know who I am and what I want. Just because I happen to be divorced does not make me any less real than you. My emotions are no less real than yours. Hell, I am part of the cool kids club, you know, the one that us divorced folks belong to. The one where we find ourselves, banding together, helping each other, working through the shit and muck that life threw at us to come out stronger, more secure, more confident, more able, and more self aware of who we are and what we want. You should be lucky to meet any of us, as we know who the type of person is that is not the person for us.
I can only imagine what a single parent must feel like. They must experience this stigma at a level ten times worse. And for that, I have the utmost respect and admiration for them. I mean, when women here I am divorced, they freak out a bit. I met a woman Saturday that was like, "oh, um, man, sorry." We were laughing it up and getting along pretty damn well until I mentioned that I had already been married. I can only image what the conversation would have been like if I said I was a dad.
So do not be sorry for me that I have an experience that you do not. In fact, you should look up to me, and admire me for being able to come out through this still intact, and even better than I was before. You should admire the ability of those who went through emotional hell to be able to wake up everyday and smile just because the sun is shining or we hear the simplicity of rain drops. We do not take life for granted. We do not take love for granted. We do not take anything for granted. We understand that life is short and that it sometimes will throw you a curve ball. We know life is for the living, so we live it the best we can, and enjoy it to the fullest extent possible.
So the next time you see one of us, do not run, do not hide, do not cower, for we will not, and we would appreciate the same courtesy. Treat us like human beings, full of compassion and understanding, for that is who we are. Just because we are divorced, that does not make us any less normal, it does not make us any less real, it does not make us any less whole.
If anything, in my opinion, I am better than other guys you may date because I know what commitment means. Oh, not to mention you do not have to ever tell me to put the toilet seat down.
So, as you know, a while back, I went on a date. An actual real date. I had a great time, and the lovely young lady I was with appeared to enjoy herself as well. So much in fact, that we went on a couple more dates. So much that one of those dates was cooking dinner at her place. There was cuddling on the couch, gentle kisses, holding hands, and good, meaningful conversation. She said I had amazing eyes, and when we kissed for the first time, she felt butterflies.
And for reasons beyond my control, she wanted to just be friends. And friends is what we are apparently. We talk on the phone on occasion, E-mail each other back and forth about our days, and that is about it. We don't hang out anymore, even though she lives practically around the corner. It really does suck when you start to like someone and then they end it. Now, I can understand her reasons for ending it, as they were legitimate (and had nothing to do with my divorce), but, it still does suck.
Now, that being said, I want to touch upon something that has been bothering me a bit now that I am dating.
The girl I dated briefly made it known that she was a bit hesitant since I am a divorced man. In order to reassure her, I told her to ask me anything she wanted to know about my separation, the reasons behind it, my emotional state, my thoughts on my divorce, my ex-wife, and, well let's just say I gave her free range. And for some reason, it did not seem to reassure her at all, and she said that she was worried I was not ready to really date and be with someone and explore a relationship a couple of times. And this brings me to what I want to talk about.
The decision as to whether or not I am ready to put myself out there, to take a risk that my heart could get broken, to date, to fall in love again, and what not, that is MY decision. For some reason when I tell people I am divorced there is a sudden shock to their system, and for some reason it seems as though I am being looked at as somehow damaged goods. And you know what? I am not damaged.
I am not damaged dammit. I am not broken, shattered, or somehow not complete. I know who I am and what I want. Just because I happen to be divorced does not make me any less real than you. My emotions are no less real than yours. Hell, I am part of the cool kids club, you know, the one that us divorced folks belong to. The one where we find ourselves, banding together, helping each other, working through the shit and muck that life threw at us to come out stronger, more secure, more confident, more able, and more self aware of who we are and what we want. You should be lucky to meet any of us, as we know who the type of person is that is not the person for us.
I can only imagine what a single parent must feel like. They must experience this stigma at a level ten times worse. And for that, I have the utmost respect and admiration for them. I mean, when women here I am divorced, they freak out a bit. I met a woman Saturday that was like, "oh, um, man, sorry." We were laughing it up and getting along pretty damn well until I mentioned that I had already been married. I can only image what the conversation would have been like if I said I was a dad.
So do not be sorry for me that I have an experience that you do not. In fact, you should look up to me, and admire me for being able to come out through this still intact, and even better than I was before. You should admire the ability of those who went through emotional hell to be able to wake up everyday and smile just because the sun is shining or we hear the simplicity of rain drops. We do not take life for granted. We do not take love for granted. We do not take anything for granted. We understand that life is short and that it sometimes will throw you a curve ball. We know life is for the living, so we live it the best we can, and enjoy it to the fullest extent possible.
So the next time you see one of us, do not run, do not hide, do not cower, for we will not, and we would appreciate the same courtesy. Treat us like human beings, full of compassion and understanding, for that is who we are. Just because we are divorced, that does not make us any less normal, it does not make us any less real, it does not make us any less whole.
If anything, in my opinion, I am better than other guys you may date because I know what commitment means. Oh, not to mention you do not have to ever tell me to put the toilet seat down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
